Man making 7 times more than his teacher fiancé makes her split the bill for every meal, makes fun of her for ordering salad at expensive restaurants: 'Women are always eating salads to watch their weight'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 13, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Every relationship has some level of financial inequality. It's awkward to talk about in the beginning stages of a romance (and boy, is it a mood killer), but it can become increasingly relevant if and when you begin to plan your life with somebody. Your salary likely will determine whether you're the provider or the stay-at-home parent or whether you and your partner both need to work to sustain your lifestyles. It might even determine something as simple as who's paying for dinner on Friday night. 

Some partners are radical egalitarians, even beyond the point of it making any sense for them to do that. It could make sense for some couples to split finances down the middle if one partner is making twice what the other makes, but not if they're making 7 times the other's salary. That's how much more the man at the center of this story is making than his fiance, who works as an elementary school teacher and struggles to afford expensive date nights.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10359690496
    via Mads Eneqvist
  • 02
    AITA for telling my friend's fiancé that it's his fault she won't eat?
    via u/Conscious_Bit5770
  • 03
    My friend (29F) and her fiancé (30M) have been together for 3 years, and they split all their bills. But my friend is an elementary school teacher earning poverty wages, while her fiancé is a software engineer earning 7x what she makes.
    via u/Conscious_Bit5770
  • 04
    He has expensive tastes and always prefers to eat out at fine dining establishments. She cannot afford to split the bill, so she will eat McDonald's or snacks beforehand, and then only order a side salad or soup. Or she will just order a side salad and go hungry, because she can't afford anything else, but he insists on expensive restaurants.
    via u/Conscious_Bit5770
  • 05
    He always pokes fun at her eating salads. He mentioned it to our friend group at a party, and joked that women are always eating salads to watch their weight. I commented that my friend doesn't eat because she can't afford his expensive restaurants tastes, as a woman in poverty, and it's his fault she goes without. He was shocked at this, and it caused a disturbance. My friend was outraged that I embarrassed them in front of people. AITA?
    via u/Conscious_Bit5770
  • 06
    Pale_Needleworker924 11 hr. ago. edited 6 hr. ago NTA. I feel like there was a point where your friend's fiance realized that she could not keep up with his expensive tastes financially because there is no way he didnt see that. I do wanna know tho, did your friend ever bring it up with him on how she couldn't afford his choices?
    via u/Pale_Needleworker924
  • 07
    You just said what he was thinking outloud, and he didnt like what he heard. He deserves to be embarassed, because treating your fiance like that is honestly disgusting unless he was totally oblivious, which still doesn't make it right. And he sounds like a d- bag for just joking about "women and salads" like wth??
    via u/Pale_Needleworker924
  • 08
    For the people who say that some people just go for salads: Yes! You're right some people do just go for salad, but that has absolutely nothing to do with their gender! The sterotype that women strive to be "skinny" to please men is so outdated and mysognistic. Its 2024 people.
    via u/Pale_Needleworker924
  • 09
    And in my personal take, it was obvious that OP's friend was never going to stand up for herself, and that "disturbance" was the wakeup call that her fiancé desperately needed. Not much of a wakeup call though, he obviously knew and chose to ignore it. I know airing out someone's finances might seem violating but I believe it was justified here.
    via u/Pale_Needleworker924
  • 10
    dalealace 9 hr. ago I don't know, I had an ex who came from money and this is exactly the mentality he had. Sometimes people with money lose touch a little and can be oblivious when people are struggling financially. The aforementioned ex met my single mom bestie who lived in a trailer hustling three jobs. He asked her hey what's your WiFi password? she tells him she doesn't have internet because she can't afford it and I swear I saw his brain melt. He was beyond shook and went a little pale.
    via u/dalealace
  • 11
    OP is NTA for telling the truth but maybe next time pull him aside and tell him in private so you're not airing someone's finances out. He deserved a reality check.
    via u/dalealace
  • 12
    Creative_Energy533.8 hr. ago This. I know several people who just don't understand what it means to not be able to afford something. Like, literally, it's just not a concept for them. Must be nice.
    via u/Creative_Energy533
  • 13
    Creative Bandicoot 778 7 hr. ago I have a friend who makes maybe 3x my family's combined income. She literally couldn't understand how I managed to feed my family on the weekly budget I did up. She has fewer mouths to feed but spends easily twice what I do, and she couldn't understand how. This woman is a CFO and couldn't understand my food budget. basic
    via u/CreativeBandicoot778
  • 14
    emi_lgr. 8 hr. ago I'd buy that if they only dated for a couple of months, but three years? He hasn't noticed that she'd fill herself with cheap food prior to dates and then eats next to nothing at the expensive restaurants he chooses? He hasn't noticed that she eats normally when they don't go to restaurants? With a seven-fold income difference he hasn't noticed in other areas
    via u/emi_lgr
  • 15
    that she simply can't afford his lifestyle? He knows she can't afford it but doesn't want to pay for her to eat at the places he likes and also doesn't want to look "cheap," so he pokes fun at her for eating salad and "watching her weight."
    via u/emi_lgr
  • 16
    dalealace 8 hr. ago Sounds like she's ashamed and desperately trying to be to keep up with him. I wouldn't be surprised if she kept the fact that she's eating beforehand from him. He's also a privileged dude and both the privileged and dudes are not well known for noticing things like this. All he noticed was she eats a lot of salads. I don't read this as being malicious at all.
    via u/dalealace
  • 17
    Obnoxious and heinously oblivious, but I don't think he's doing it to be a on purpose. I'd like to know if that couple has shared what their income and budget actually look like and if he understands how little a teacher's salary will get you. Ask op if he knows her finances. If he does then he's a, if he didn't realize she was struggling he's just a prize idiot.
    via u/dalealace
  • 18
    Interesting-Box3765.7 hr. ago I am also wondering if they live together. If yes - do they live in the place she can afford or rather in his price range making her struggle even more? Do they split the bills 50:50 or is it more waged to be 20:80 or something like that.
    via u/Interesting-Box3765
  • 19
    Do they plan to merge their finances in some way in the future? Honestly I cannot imagine sharing a household with such earnings discrepancy and keeping finances totally separate. That is just jot sustainable long term
    via u/Interesting-Box3765
  • 20
    smoike 9 hr. ago If you are making even remotely the same money then splitting everything is a fair way to do thing. If things were this disproportionate then wouldn't you want to treat your partner occasionally or give them a nice surprise once in a while instead of treating them like trash? this boyfriend sounds like he should be ex boyfriend material if he doesn't pick up his game once his attention is drawn to it. Mind you he probably did figure it out long ago and is just a sh*t boyfriend w
    via u/smoike
  • 21
    Covert Pudding . 9 hr. ago A better way to split things when you have disproportionate incomes is to switch who picks the restaurant and pays. I'll take my teacher friend to a fancy brunch place and pay for both of us. Then she'll take me to an affordable little cafe and treat me. But this guy just seems stingy in general.
    via u/Covert_Pudding
  • 22
    wandering_salad · 10 hr. ago ΝΤΑ Wow this guy sounds disgusting. They have been together for THREE YEARS and somehow he doesn't understand that his insistence on eating out at expensive restaurants whilst apparently never wanting to treat her (despite him earning 7x her income), is the reason she only chooses the cheapest meal option?!?!
    via u/wandering_salad
  • 23
    This guy is awful but your friend needs to grow a spine! If someone would suggest or demand that we go out to eat at a place I can't afford, I'd tell them I'd love to join but just can't afford it, so I would only join if they pay for my food (whilst I pay for my own drink(s)). If they insist on me paying for my own food, then I would just nope out of it. I'd just tell them to have fun and I'll get a take-away pizza to eat at home myself. Is this guy particularly worried about only attracting go
    via u/wandering_salad
  • 24
    Your friend needs to decide if this is someone she wants to commit to, because it's one thing to want a prenup when there's a big difference in assets/earnings, but it's something else to pressure your partner of THREE YEARS to frequently (or even just once) join you on outings you expect them to pay their own way on when you know they can't afford it. The fact he thought her eating the cheapest thing on the menu was some kind of diet choice is just gross. Seems like he enjoys putting her down,
    via u/wandering_salad
  • 25
    THREE YEARS and this guy still doesn't think she is worth treating to a fancy meal (that he seems to want to go on, with her)? F him. Your friend needs to see this guy for what he is: not worth committing to. Good on you for speaking up. But your friend needs to learn to stand up for herself. She'd be much better off with a guy in her own income bracket or obviously someone who makes more but isn't so stingy.
    via u/wandering_salad

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long term relationship eating out finance salads relationships restaurant teacher finances bills dinner fiancé split money relationship drama budget salad
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